Wynonna Earp S3E1 😈 TV Recap

Written by Thelonia

It's been a while (well, four months and two weeks, but who's counting) since things wrapped up with the Earp gang defeating the Wives of the Demon Clootie who was also resurrected as the Demon Bulshar, as well as Wynonna giving birth and helicoptering the baby away to safety (it was a hell of a day). And while things may have remained at a stand still in terms of emotional venting about all of that, things in Purgatory are still as hectic as ever.

In the Season starter, "Blood Red and Going Down," a lot of plots are set in motion that all promise a strange and likely bloody mess in the coming season, as well as delivering first looks at new and updated facial hair.

Wynonna, as is her wont, has not been sitting around moping since the end of the last season. The episode picks up with her, in Pussy Willows, wielding a very unstable cup of beer while riding a mechanical bull, which goes about as well as you'd expect. This then, of course, leads to revenant fighting in an alleyway, as it so often does, with Wayhaught in a strategic position above providing sniper backup and flirting relentlessly.

I'm honestly sorry that this was the best screenshot I could get of them.

We also get a good look at everyone's new mustaches! Dolls & Jeremy, you are seen and your facial grooming is appreciated (also it is now extra hilarious to see Jeremy in the same scenes as Doc, since they have bad-Sims-randomizer identical facial hair, which is just a cherry on the Sundae.

Also the quest to find the one scene this season with the fake mustache begins.
This is my new white whale.

Then, out of the (very pink) fog, come the hot European vampires, complete with stripper bus, as they so often are. They seem to have non-wholesome and yet very on-brand-for-Purgatory plans, which mostly involve eating (and sort of serving Bulshar, more on that later).

Just the first hint at the Vampire Aesthetic™.

Meanwhile, across town, the gang is back at Pussy Willows, where something killed all the revelers the night before seemingly instantaneously with 'some sort of serrated blade.' This is the work of the Cult of Bulshar, and Nikole seems to have a deeper connection with the whole event...one that she doesn't seem to be fully cognizant of (yet at least). But all this gets sidetracked when both Nikole and Waverly get glamoured by a vampire in the bathrooms, as you do.

There's a human centipede joke in there if you look hard enough.

Wynonna instead is going to prison. No, not like that, but to visit her Mother who is currently institutionalized and who seems to have some sort of past with the Cult, but refuses to tell Wynonna. The scene is the first we really see Mama Earp and there's nothing in her matter-of-fact tone that indicates that the Earp girls did not get their directness from her side of the family.

On the party bus, Doc has found himself in a spot of trouble, being interrogated by a Vampire who seems to want to test him to see if he truly is The Doc Holliday, which involves being tied to the stripper pole and electrocuted. 

Of course, he is eventually able to gymanstic his way out of the situation, but not before we learn that the vampire that kidnapped him is actually someone he used to know (one of the perils of living a long, long time). Contessa, it seems, has a grudge against Doc, but makes out before he is able (or willing) to shoot her down.

Legitimately thought he was going to pole-dance his way out of this one.

In another scene that legitimately convinced me the Vampires should change careers (look at that decoration! They had less than a day to plan this!), we see that they've been busy, well, decorating, but also setting up a party to eat everyone they weren't going to offer up to Bulshar, which in the long-term isn't very economical. But hey, they're here for a fun time, not a long time. And as it turns out, that time is coming up very quickly! Courtesy of Wynonna and Dolls having made good on an Ikea manual guide to killing vampires and a convenient room of breakable chairs.

They should really reconsider moonlighting as party planners.

As the vampires explode into pink glitter (I could only hope to die in as on-brand way as these guys, it truly is inspiring), the episode's main action comes to a close. But we, as always, have emotional vulnerability left to go! And so, with some nudging from Dolls (who knows about Mama Earp), Wynonna gears up to tell Waverly, but something in the middle of the road causes them to go veering off track, and crashing.

Needless to say, we will be having words with certain writers/showrunners if things go back next episode.

Probably nothing crazy will happen in the last two minutes. #WynonnaEarp

— Emily Andras (@emtothea) July 21, 2018

Emily, you are truly a monster (and we love you).

Things to look out for (aka: I HAVE CONCERNS):

• Who or what is responsible for Wynonna and Waverly's crash? And why did they want Waverly in particular?
• What's up with Nicole's realization that she may have been a survivor of a Cult of Bulshar massacre?
• Speaking of Bulshar, what the hell did he put in that guys' mouth, the devil's walnut?

If the answer is trees Imma yell y'all.

• How is Doc's Ex, Current-Vampire Contessa going to figure into the picture going forward?

And was she inspired by Janelle Monáe and/or is Janelle also a vampire?

We'll have to keep watching to find out, but what a beginning to the Season! And with Season 4 just being announced, it looks like we'll have a lot of Earp content coming up, and I, for one, can't wait.

You can watch Seasons 1 & 2 of Wynonna Earp on Netlix and Season 3 is currently playing on SyFy.

Bonus:

Ikea man branches out.